A Paltry Attempt To Explain

My heart’s broken open.
I change and I do not change:
The waves move, the molecules move;
The sea’s still the sea
And there is no sea.

I have seen all these things before:
But I see them now for the first time.
The sand and the wind build the shore,
But there is no shore.

The wing and the cry are the gull,
But there is no gull.
The stamp and the breath are the ox,
But there is no ox.

Breathing in, I am here in the world;
Breathing out, I am here in the world:
Breathing in, I am here,
Breathing out, the world.

Breathing in, I am not.

Breathing out.

About asher

Me in a nutshell: Standard uptight ballet boy. Trapeze junkie. Half-baked choreographer. Budding researcher. Transit cyclist. Terrible homemaker. Neuro-atypical. Fabulous. Married to a very patient man. Bachelor of Science in Psychology (2015). Proto-foodie, but lazy about it. Cat owner ... or, should I say, cat own-ee? ... dog lover. Equestrian.

Posted on 2015/02/26, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. Paltry?
    More like a brilliantly futile attempt to explain the inexplicable.

    • Oops, hit enter too soon. I meant to mention that this was inspired in part by our conversation on your comments section about the experience of being chundered and about Zen. Both were serendipitous events for me. So many thanks for that as well!

      • I’ve got a feeling we’ll be following a fair few similar paths asher.

        If I’m right you can expect a very challenging but rewarding time ahead.

        I don’t think I’ll be taking up ballet though 😉 .
        Existence is the dance. It can be pretty hard on your knees too.

  2. mrshumphreys


  3. I don’t know if this is a current event but whether or not, it sounds painful. BIG HUGS.

    • Thanks ^—^ It is pretty current, but don’t worry, it’s only painful in a “growing pains” kind of way! It’s just hard to describe.

      I’m sort of going through this thing right now where I’m beginning to see the cycles and repetitions in my life in a new way, which is both less judgmental towards myself than the ways I’ve seen them in the past and also a little uncomfortable (because change is always a little weird). This poem is partly about learning to let go of the tendency to cling to the idea of what things are and just experience them without getting stuck, if that makes any sense.

  4. An essay of truth. Depression can leave us wondering, “Is there anything stable?” “Where do I fit in, in the scheme of things?” …

    Beautiful poem, poignant. You belong, and are, a gift.

    • Thank you. These have definitely been major questions for me in the past few years! I feel like it’s a puzzle I’m beginning to sort out, now. At the same time, I’m learning to to keep in mind that there will be difficult times in the future as well, so I won’t be shocked by them,and so I might be able to hold on (when they arrive) to the sense that they’ll pass.

      • You are spot on, Asher! We become empowered when we acknowledge that we can sometimes not make sense of what all this craziness is about. Learning to “let go” and live without fear is the biggest obstacle I had to overcome. Keep dancing, keep emoting, speaking and talking about the inner conflict. You are more than half way there. Walk through those hot burning coals of fire, feel the sheer white panic of fear and KNOW that the greatest is yet to come, and without this journey you would be less. There is a reason for all things. And whether you believe or not, I leave you with this thought: ‘God does not make junk. You are priceless in His eyes.’

  5. Beautiful. Thanks for this. 🙂

  6. Your imagery is powerful especially when you wipe it away. The feeling and light remain.

  7. Really nice – sounds like frustration with weird-in-your-head things that are hard to cope with. But that might just be me. Lol. 💕

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