Quickie: On Having A Passion
Bipolar On Fire recently wrote a beautiful post called “Before I Die,” inspired by that thing that has been happening where people write the things they want to do before they die on the sides of buildings or what have you.
I used to have a really hard time with that sort of thing because there were so many things that seemed like The Most Important Thing.
This was, in fact, the great stumbling block in my life in general. Everything seemed so hugely, staggeringly important that it was almost impossible to do anything.
…And then I started dancing again, and everything became so much easier.
Usually people figure out that they want dance to drive their lives when they’re in, like, high school … or even before that.
I didn’t have that experience (because reasons; Serious Things Got In The Way, etc) then, but that doesn’t mean that having it now is in some way invalid.
…And it makes prioritizing the list of things to do Before I Die so much easier. Um, not that I’m planning on dying any time soon.
I’m not sure I’m ready to post that list yet: you know, that whole To Know, To Will, To Dare, To Keep Silent thing. I am afraid of jinxing myself, and maybe a little bit afraid that people will be like, “You can’t do that,” even though, frankly, it’s not up to them.
The funny thing is, to an extent, the list of things I want to do before I die, but that are going to take a while (hello, choreographing an entire 3-act ballet!) are some of the things that help me hold on when dying starts to look like a good idea.
Yeah, there’s a part of me that’s like, “FFS, how have you not done ANY OF THESE THINGS yet? You, sir, provide an example towards which the failures of the future might someday hope to strive.”
And then another part is like, “Hey, wait! We have actually done this thing over here, and this other thing, and we think this third thing might actually be a worthwhile contribution to the world. And that seems like a good reason to stick around.”
It doesn’t always make a huge difference, but sometimes that modicum of
snuff* positivity can be most efficacious.
*Three cheers if you catch this reference. Also, I just want to be dainty.
Maybe, since I seem to be doing this thing this year where I am learning to be brave in new ways, I will try to, like, actually post my own list of things I mean to do before I die.
Some of them don’t even revolve directly around ballet (shocking, I know).
So, in short, having a passion can make a huge difference in prioritizing all those things that seem so critically important; all those things that you have to do Before You Die.
Okay, enough of this for tonight. I’m going to bed, so tomorrow I can get up and dance.