I already wrote this once, and WordPress did some glitchy thing and ate the post (like, ate it so hard that it’s not even in my trashed posts bin), so unfortunately you’re getting the short version, which will inevitably be way less clever than the original.

Anyway, I recently learned an important fact:

I also discovered that when you randomly want polenta for lunch, but you also want to eat, like, Before Someone Gets B*tchy, you can nuke yourself some Quick Grits and just add stuff.

Only … like … if you add a bouillon cube? Add it to the boiling water before you add the grits, and safe yourself the weirdness of a random encounter with a big chunk of undissolved bouillon.

You should probably take a similar approach if you’re using something like Better Than Bouillon, just to make sure it’s distributed evenly. (BTW, Better Than Bouillon is awesome.)

Anyway, here’s the recipe for this afternoon’s lunch.

Fauxlenta!

Ingredients

• 1 & 1/3 cup boiling water (or broth)
• 1 cube of bouillon or equivalent (unless you started with broth)
• 3/4 cup quick grits (not regular, or you will be sorely disappointed)
• salt to taste (you can definitely skip it if you use bouillon)
• random cherry tomatoes
• the remaining edible leaves in an otherwise disreputable-looking bag of kale (spinach would work just as well)
• about a teaspoon of butter & olive oil blend
• one egg

Directions

1. Boil the water or broth and (if necessary) pour it into a large microwave-safe bowl (1 qt/1 litre will do)
2. If using bouillon, ADD IT NOW, not later ^-^’, and stir to dissolve
3. Add the quick grits and salt (optional) to the liquid
4. Stir again
5. Microwave for 4-5 minutes. My microwave is, erm, gentle, and it takes about 4.5 minutes. Yours will probably be faster.
6. Remove the grits from the microwave, add veggies, stir, and allow to stand
7. If desired, nuke an egg (spray a small plate with cooking spray, crack the egg onto it, and put it in the microwave). In my microwave, this takes 30-60 seconds depending on the plate in question and how cold the plate is at the start.
8. Slide the cooked egg onto the grits, add the butter blend if you want it, stir, and enjoy.

If you prefer not to use the microwave, just follow the package directions to make your quick grits on the stovetop, adding the bouillon (if desired) at the appropriate point (before you add the grits), then carry on as before.

You can, of course, also make this with Instant Grits, and you can use any other veggies you have on hand. Get creative! Tofu? Why not! Could it be …. SEITAN? Sure! Toss some ham in. Omit the veggies and make a sweet-savory version by adding butter and maple syrup. Chill it, slice it, and fry it! Branch out and try old-fashioned Hasty Pudding! It’s all you!

Oh, and if you decide to make regular (as in, Not Quick) polenta?

Know that no less an authority than Serious Eats’ Daniel Gritzer says you can ignore the “rules” about waiting ’til the liquid is boiling to add the cornmeal and then stirring constantly until it’s ready.